I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
