It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize