getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
