i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize