thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
