Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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