so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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