Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
