i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
