Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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