It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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