i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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