I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
