this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
