the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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