I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
