and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
