two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize