She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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