I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
