remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
