you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
