The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize