just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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