looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
