you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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