Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
