I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
...so i touched it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
