dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
