Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Text me some of your sweat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
