$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
