how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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