My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
