i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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