Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I met the friendliest cop last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
