whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
