Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
