I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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