I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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