but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are my feet made of real feet?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
