i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
