its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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