hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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