I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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