I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
