Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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