last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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