you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
