I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
