I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
