I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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