When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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