Apparently you make a good broom.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
