I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
