Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize