maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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