She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize