Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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