If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
