We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to calm my uterus...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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