I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
only if we run a train.
done.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
