You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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