Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
