I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
