Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
