Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
