I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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