M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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