my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
