even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
