I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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