I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
