is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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