you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize