Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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