she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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