Whod you bang
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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