i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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