No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
