I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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