The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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