And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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