The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize