it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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