Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
