I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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