i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
