I'm eating all of the evidence.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
