So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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