nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
