I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
