I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my shit smells like andre
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
